To Make You Want Me
by XX00Meg00XX
Summary: "She stares at Jacinda, yearns to be everything that the woman is, because she knows her lips taste like Castle's, knows her skin is painted with the scent of him. And maybe if she was blonde and flaky, fun and uncomplicated, Castle would want her just as much as he wants Jacinda." A three-shot fix it for the "47 Seconds"/"The Limey" arc.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Happy Castle Monday as well as CastleFanficMonday! We survived the three week hiatus! **

**This little story began to form after hearing the song quoted below and this is what it turned in to.**

**This will be a 3-shot. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story!**

* * *

**To Make You Want Me**

"_I want to taste her lips  
Yeah, 'cause they taste like you  
I want to drown myself  
In a bottle of her perfume  
I want her long blonde hair  
I want her magic touch  
Yeah, 'cause maybe then  
You'd want me just as much."_

_-Girl Crush by Little Big Town_

* * *

She watches from the shadows, a broken woman yearning for the touch of a lover. But not just any lover, no. She wants Castle, wants his broad arms wrapped around her slender frame and his lips on her skin. Instead, she's done something to ruin the progress they were making, has halted their forward momentum and sent it hurling backwards. Something, but she has no idea what. And now she watches from the dark shadows that have fallen across the New York night, watches as the fun and uncomplicated blonde screeches Castle's car to a jerking stop and scurries across the street to his loft.

Jacinda is different. Nothing that Kate would peg as Richard Castle's type after knowing him for four years. In the beginning, perhaps the curvy, flaunting blonde is exactly who she would have expected him to leave the precinct with, but not now, not after truly knowing him.

Castle has surprised her more often than not, but this behavior, it's too much like he was in the past and it hurts, god, it hurts. So she remains where she is, hunched in the darkness, a privacy that the large building she's leaning against provides, while she watches all of the things she could have had disappear on the fleeting movement of a flight attendant.

* * *

Who knows how long Kate stands there, watching, waiting, and desperate for a different ending to this story. But the longer she stands there, ridiculously alone, she knows that the pen has already scribbled its words across the paper, that the ink has already began to dry, confirming that her chance is gone.

And then the sound of heels clicking across the pavement alerts her to the sight she can hardly bear to witness. Long, blonde hair whips violently around the face of the flight attendant as she makes her way back across the street. The wind dances across Jacinda's exposed skin, forces her to adjust her already twisted, red dress as she sinks into the driver's seat of a car that doesn't belong to her.

Her scent fills the space around her, sweet perfume sweeping across the shadows and surrounding Kate, drowning her in it.

Jealousy builds, flooding its way through every vein in Kate's body until she's burning with it, desperate to eradicate the feelings coursing through her. She stares at Jacinda, yearns to be everything that the woman is, because she knows her lips taste like Castle's, knows her skin is painted with the scent of him. And maybe if she was blonde and flaky, fun and uncomplicated, Castle would want her just as much as he wants Jacinda.

Maybe he would still be waiting for her.

Maybe.

A broken sob rips it way through her body as she watches the car pull away, and suddenly the hard wall behind her isn't even enough to hold her up. She crumbles to the ground, curls in on herself and sobs into the hard, unforgiving pavement.

And once she's completely spent, all strength seeming to have dissipated from her body, she somehow stumbles to a cab and grits out her address, because standing in the shadows is killing her.

* * *

"_I don't get no sleep, I don't get no peace  
Thinking about her, under your bed sheets  
The way that she's whispering,  
The way that she's pulling you in,  
Lord knows I've tried,  
I can't get her off my mind."_

* * *

The walk from the cab to her apartment is a blur, tears that she can't stop blinding and if she didn't know the way, she would never have made it inside her apartment.

But the sleep she yearns for doesn't come, instead, she's left with images of Jacinda, vivid imagery that she tries to swipe away, and yet it takes a permanent place in her mind. Scenes between the flight attendant and Castle paint themselves over every inch of her, relentless and demanding until she's so submerged under the weight of them that she thinks she'll drown.

This must be her punishment for holding him at arm's length for so long, for lying to him for a year about the words that she can't get out of her mind. Words that she's sure no longer hold any meaning to him.

And it's that very reason that love has always scared her, because at any moment the love can walk away and the emotional wreckage it leaves behind is devastating.

* * *

The next morning at the precinct is torture, watching Castle continue to pull away from her. And then watching him waltz off with Jacinda, completely clueless to what he's doing to her.

Or is he?

But it's so unlike Castle to act this way, so not in him to intentionally hurt someone. Kate can't fathom any reason that he would be doing this purposely, until the one reason that would completely justify everything that he's doing clicks and she has to get away, has to escape the mess that she's made.

She walks for hours, but the destination that she finds herself at is no surprise. Alone in the shadows once again, watching the outcome that is no one's fault but her own.

Except this time, she's not watching from her place across the street, she's not going to stand there and watch a woman who knows nothing about the things that Castle has been through, swoop in and take him away.

This time, she's going to re-write their ending.

Kate sprints across the street, cuts off Jacinda's path just before the blonde reaches the lobby doors of Castle's building.

And that burning jealousy returns the moment that their eyes connect, because the icy blue pools speak more than Kate ever wanted to know.

She doesn't want to know all of the places Castle has touched Jacinda, doesn't want to know all of the words he's whispered against her tan skin, she just wants to forget the woman ever existed.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to have to ruin your plans this evening, I've just received a break on the case I'm working and I need Castle's assistance."

It's a lie, a ridiculously made-up lie, but she doesn't care as long as it gets the job done and sends the uncomplicated blonde away.

"Hmm, I think if given the option, Rick would much rather spend his evening with me," Jacinda bites back, raking her eyes disapprovingly over Kate.

"What makes you think that?" Kate asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Maybe you should ask him yourself, Detective Beckett."

Kate shoots her a glare, speaking more words with one look than she could have if she chose to speak again. And the look does its job because Jacinda backs down, steps away from the door and starts back down the street, but she stops just before she gets to the car, turning back towards Kate who's still standing in the same spot.

"You can try to fix what you've already thrown away, Detective, but sometimes it's too late."

Kate watches as the woman speeds away, and then her words truly sink in. She may be fighting a lost cause here, but there's only one way to find out.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	2. How Deep Are the Depths of Your Love?

**A/N: Wow! The response to this story has absolutely blown me away! Thank you for being open to new ways of fixing this painful time in our favorite couples lives. Part three will be up soon! xoxoxo**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

**How deep are the depths of your love?**

The soft thudding of Kate's heart increases to an insistent pounding as she steps off the elevator on Castle's floor. Each step closer becomes rhythmic, walking in time to the tempo that her heart has set. But the moment she lands in front of his door, a deep breath narrows her focus in on what she has to do and the erratic beating only increases, until it's the only thing she can hear.

It's now or never, but in reality, her choices and actions may have already made it never.

She lifts her hand, once, twice and finally, a third time before she gains enough courage to knock. Only it comes out more like a pounding that matches the sound of her heart.

She waits, sucks in a breath that stutters her heart for a moment and interrupts the consistent tempo only to pick back up again the moment she hears footsteps and releases the captive breath.

* * *

Castle swings the door open wide, a smile on his face that indicates he was expecting anyone but her because the moment his focus lands on her, the smile falls away, replaced by hard lines and anger and a hint of pain that he's trying desperately to hide.

Pain that she caused. _Oh, Castle._

It's a stare down for minutes that stretch out for entirely too long and then Kate makes a decision and forcing one foot in front of the other, she invites herself into the loft without any invitation from Castle, leaving him with the only option of closing the door behind her.

He can throw her out if he wants, but not until she's said what she came here to say.

Not talking got them into this mess, and changing that may not fix things, but she's going to give it a shot even if it ends with the outcome she's dreading.

Castle growls something that she can't make out as he shuts the door, spinning around to face her with a look so unlike him that she almost can't believe what she's turned him in to.

"What do you want, Beckett? I have plans tonight and they don't include you."

Ouch. Okay, she deserves that.

"Your plans have changed for now, but I'm sure Jacinda will be calling you sooner rather than later."

That name tastes like poison in her mouth, bitter and unpleasant and she doesn't even know the woman, but the less she has to say her name the better.

"What does that mean?" he asks, eyes narrowing with the glare he shoots at her.

"It means that I need to talk to you and I need to do it without her here."

"You had no right, Beckett. You never want to talk to me, not about the important things, so tell me, what could you possibly have to say now that justifies you interfering with my date?"

"Castle, was that date really that important to you?"

"I don't think it's really any of your business," he bites, scraping his hand through is hair with a huff of annoyance.

"Okay, I deserve that. Would you at least listen to me for a minute? Even if what I say changes nothing for you, will you please just let me get it out?"

He doesn't answer right away, flicking his gaze over her as if he's waging a war with whether he wants to hear her out or not. He could say no, he could tell her to get out and that would be the end of it.

But he's a writer and words mean more to him then he'll let on, even if they're from her.

"Fine," he sighs, walking away from her even as he agrees to hear her out.

"Castle?" she questions, unsure if he expects her to follow him.

"Not out here," he throws over his shoulder. "I'm not doing this while standing in the doorway, because if you get your say, then I'm sure as hell going to get mine."

She follows him then, knowing that this could very well be the last time she walks into the loft, because when she leaves, it may be for good.

* * *

Castle chooses to sit at his desk, but not before he pours himself a generous glass of scotch. It's both smart and cautious on his part, sitting across the room from her, but it still hurts that they're so distant that he feels the need to separate himself.

"Do you want a drink?" he offers, waving his drink towards the small bar, and at least he's still polite, even in his indifference towards her.

"No, thank you. I want to be completely sober for this and I don't want you thinking that it took liquid courage for me to be honest with you."

"What did it take then?" he asks and her brows knit in confusion.

"I'm sorry?"

"What did it take for you to finally realize that being honest was important? Was it Jacinda? Because that's pretty shallow, even for you, Beckett."

He downs half of his drink in one swallow and sets the glass on his desk and she finds herself suddenly, completely unsure of how to even start the conversation. So she starts with answering his question, because no it wasn't Jacinda that made her realize (though she may have put things into perspective for her), she's known all along that she should have just been honest with him, but who's to say that they wouldn't have ended up in some type of fight at this point if she had dove in with him before she was ready?

"This isn't—I didn't decide to come here just because I saw you with Jacinda…"

"But that's a part of it right? You think I was flaunting her in your face because she's the complete opposite of you. Am I right?"

"I…well, yeah. Isn't that what you've been doing?" Her hesitation must amuse him because he actually laughs, though it's a hollow, sarcastic tone that sends chills across her skin as she sinks onto the couch across the room from him.

"You give yourself too much credit. If I thought rubbing her in your face would change things then perhaps that's what I would have done, but the way I see it is, there's nothing to change. Jacinda is a lovely person and it wouldn't be fair to use her as a way to try and make you jealous, if something like that was even possible for you."

So he's just moving on? Done with her and that chapter of his life?

"So you're pursuing things with her, like a relationship?"

_No, no, no. Please, no._

"What do you want from me, Beckett? I thought that we had an understanding, I thought I was waiting for you to be ready. But you've made it pretty clear that I was wrong in thinking that you wanted more with me."

"Castle, you weren't wrong. I know it wasn't fair to ask you to wait, but I needed to be ready first."

"Ready for what? To tell a suspect, a complete stranger, that you remembered everything about your shooting. Ready to confess to anyone but me that you lied for almost a year because you don't love me, but you don't want anyone else to have me? I'm not a toy, it doesn't work like this."

She can't continue sitting there while he thinks that she doesn't love him, can't stand to hear any more of this from him until he hears the truth from her.

"Castle, stop! You have it all wrong. I asked you if you would listen to me and you said you would. So please, just take a break from what you think I feel and actually listen to the truth."

"I'm not sure you even know what the truth is anymore," he mumbles, reaching for his drink and downing the last of it.

"Is anything I say even going to matter to you?" she asks, rising from her place on the couch and taking a step towards him, but when he tenses up, physically flinches at her movement, she sinks back, drops her head into her hands.

* * *

It's too quiet for too long, but she eventually hears movement and then the couch dips beside her and she feels the heat of Castle's body against the side of her thigh.

"Kate," he says her name quietly, caution lacing through his tone.

It's startling, to both have him so close after the last few days and to hear him use her first name and she almost sobs when she lifts her head and looks at him, because his face has softened, the hard lines easing almost into the version of the man she's fallen in love with.

"I do want to hear what you have to say, okay? I'm angry and hurting, but before I make any final decisions I want to hear it."

She nods, easing herself back against the couch and angling her body towards him.

"But before you start I need you to know, this is your only chance to be completely honest with me. If you hold things back, I'm done. I want the truth, all of it."

"Okay," she agrees, taking a deep breath because this is it, her words matter more right now than they ever have.

"I do remember everything that happened the day I was shot. I know that I shouldn't have lied, but I woke up with a hole in my chest and an indescribable amount of pain. And then you were there and I was still with Josh and you looked so hopeful, so in love and I just couldn't deal with it right then. I was scared and in pain and the only thing I could focus on, the only way that I knew I was going to make it through that was to focus on my recovery. I wasn't in a good place then and starting something with you would have only ended in disaster. I hated myself during those first few months after my shooting, Castle. I was in no shape to be in a relationship, and it wouldn't have been fair to you. You deserve so much more than who I was at that point in my life."

She pauses to be sure he's following her and then she continues because she knows that he needs so much more from her.

"I ran from everything and everyone and I regret that, I regret shutting myself away, but it was what I felt like I needed to do at the time. I intended to tell you when I came back, but we hadn't talked and I knew that telling you then would create a false hope for you."

"But wouldn't it have been easier to tell me that you didn't love me then instead of stringing me along all this time?" He asks, because he can't help it. Of all the mistakes she's made, of all the ways she's pushed him away, he just can't fathom her reasoning for making him think that she wanted more with him.

"Castle, I didn't lie to you because I don't love you. I didn't spend this entire year getting better and seeing a therapist because I don't love you. I didn't ask you to wait because I don't love you. Don't you see? I wanted to be more, to be someone that deserves your love, because I do love you."

Castle lets out a startled gasp, eyes widening at her confession and she hates that he's so surprised that she loves him. It should have been obvious, should have been something easy and willingly expressed, not a hidden secret that almost cost her any type of relationship with him at all.

"Are you just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear?" he asks, because her actions have made him so unsure of what she really wants.

"No. I've made so many mistakes especially when it comes to us, but I would never say that unless I meant it. I love you, Rick."

He just stares at her, taking in her words, but his lack of response is too much.

"Please, say something."

"I've imagined what it would be like to hear those words, pictured a thousand different scenarios, but after these last few days, after knowing that you lied, I'm not sure that it's enough."

This is what she was afraid of, that the delayed truth would destroy them.

"Do you…do you still love me?" she asks, because there's a very real chance that he doesn't, that he thinks loving her was just a waste of his time. But if he does, maybe there's a tiny bit of hope of them working towards more, of having a shot at fixing this mess she's created.

"I…"

He stutters, pauses to look at her and she holds her breath, unwilling and unable to let it out until he gives her an answer.

* * *

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


	3. She Wasn't You

**A/N: Here we have it, the third and final part. Thank you so much for taking this little angsty journey with me. I appreciate all of the support because each and every one of you matter to me. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or the characters used in this story.**

* * *

**She wasn't you**

Whether Castle is unable to find the words he wants to say, or he's pausing because he's not sure she deserves his answer is unclear, but he succeeds in the dramatic pause either way. But one look at her face, and he must decide that he can't draw it out any longer, because not telling each other the truth about how they feel is how they got here in the first place.

"I never stopped," he murmurs, scraping a hand through his hair as he rises, reaches for his glass to pour another drink.

"What?" she questions because she's not sure she heard him correctly or if he means it the way her heart is taking it, the erratic beating returning so loudly that she's sure he could hear it if he were still seated next to her.

Castle fills his glass with the amber liquid, physically hesitates before he turns back to face her and then he repeats the same words, though he looks less than pleased with his confession.

"I never stopped loving you, Kate. I tried, but it's not that easy to turn love off. It's not just a switch I can flip, unfortunately."

She's not sure what to say in response, and his words sting, biting through the already paper thin wall around her heart and she came here with the hopes of demolishing the rest of that wall, but his choice of words indicate that he's not sure he wants a part of that any longer.

He still loves her, but he wishes that he could stop?

But he's apparently not finished with what he has to say because he takes another long swig of his drink, sets it heavily back on his desk and then leans back against the corner of it, keeping his distance from her once again.

"I understand why you made the choice to heal in solitude after you were shot. I understand being scared to admit that you heard what I said. I even understand you not calling me for those months that you needed to distance yourself from everything so that you didn't lose yourself completely. But what I don't understand is if you knew that I was willing to wait for you to be ready, why you couldn't just be completely honest with me then. Why did you continue to lie?"

"Castle," she sighs, lifting herself from the couch and pacing away from him, stopping in the corner of the room and spinning her body around, leveling him with a gaze that speaks nothing but honesty now.

"I'm sorry for lying. I justified it at the time because I thought not telling you would be easier. If I could go back and only change one thing it would be that. I might not have admitted to remembering right away, but I would have told you sooner, I would have told you before you heard me blurt it out as a confession to a suspect."

"And do you think that would have changed things?" he asks, disbelief flashing across his face.

"You mean would that have changed how soon I was ready to dive into something?"

He nods, waiting for her answer.

"There were moments scattered throughout this year where I thought I was ready. Times when I was just so tired of waiting and I didn't want to put in any more work. So many times I almost told you the truth, almost told you I was done waiting. But, Castle, if I would have done that, things with us would have been a disaster. I've wanted you for longer than I ever cared to admit, but I was not the person you deserve, and I'm probably still not that person, but I don't want to wait any longer. I don't want to miss my chance, if I still have one."

"I slept with her," he blurts out, and he squeezes his eyes shut with the admission.

And she had a very real fear that he had, but god, it hurts to hear it, hurts to imagine him with another woman.

Suddenly, she can't answer him, can't do anything but turn away from him while she tries to keep herself from falling apart.

Castle must hear the soft whimper that she tries to hide as a sob catches in her throat because he starts talking again.

"But sleeping with her didn't change anything for me, Kate. Except for the fact that I feel even worse now than I did before, because I promised to wait for you."

"So you did what you thought would help you move forward," she sniffs, forcing herself to face him again, even as the bile rises in her throat at the thoughts of it.

"I did it because I thought you didn't feel the same way. I thought that I needed to move on because nothing was ever going to happen between us. I needed a remedy for the pain, but turns out there wasn't one, not where I was looking at least. I chose to sleep with Jacinda, but I can't deny that the entire time I was wishing it was you."

Her eyes widen at his words and she finds herself taking a step towards him, slowly closing the distance between them. "You thought of me while you kissed her?" she asks, reaching up to skim her fingers over her lips.

Castle's eyes follow her movements and he nods. "Yes, but I know what your lips feel like. Hers weren't the same."

She takes another step towards him, letting her hand drift down her body before she comes to a stop again. "And while you were touching her, did you imagine is was my skin you were caressing?"

He watches her carefully, pupils dilating as her own fingers brush across her chest, over her nipples which are hardening beneath the cover of her shirt and bra. "Yes," he hisses, focusing back on her face. "I closed my eyes, thought of only you, of how you would feel, bare and plaint beneath me."

Another step towards him has him shivering, the want and need coursing through him just as physically and emotionally as it is through her.

She drops her hand lower, drifts it across the front of her jeans before dropping it back to her side. "When you joined your body with hers, did you picture me, writhing in your arms, urging you on, moaning your name, begging you to go faster?"

"Oh god, yes. I wanted it to be you, Kate. I wanted to say your name over and over. I wanted to whisper love across your skin, to paint your body with every inch of mine."

He closes the rest of the distance between them, reaches out a hand to cup her cheek and she tilts her head into his palm, closing her eyes at the feeling of his touch.

"But instead of me it was her. It was her you touched. Her you kissed. Her you made love to." Her voice breaks with those final words and Castle tries to tug her into his chest but she resists, wanting to get this final thing worked out between them before she falls into his arms.

"I'm sorry, Kate. I'm so sorry. You're all I ever wanted, but what did you expect me to do when I thought you didn't want me?"

She lets the tears fall then, reaches for the hand that's still on her face and tugs it against her chest, cradles it there.

"It's my fault. I should have just told you the truth from the beginning. Then maybe it would have really been me you were touching and not her."

"She wasn't you," he whispers, uses his free hand to tug her closer, until the hands resting against her heart are trapped between them.

"But she got to kiss your lips, got to leave with the taste of you on her tongue."

"She wasn't you," he repeats.

"She got to feel your naked skin against her own, got to feel the power of your thrusts."

"She wasn't you," he repeats again, and again, until it becomes a mantra that begins to erase the barrier between them.

Kate nods, dropping her gaze to the floor because he wanted it to be her, but it doesn't change the fact that it wasn't.

"Kate," he breathes, waiting for her to lift her eyes back to his.

"I want to taste like you. I want the smell of you marked across every inch of my skin. I want the memory of your body and the way it moves seared into my mind. You, only you."

She releases the hand still pressed to her chest, finally falling against him and wrapping her arms around his waist, clinging fiercely to his shirt.

But before she can gather her thoughts, before either of them can take that next step forward, Castle's phone rings and Jacinda's face flashes across the screen.

* * *

Kate shrugs her shoulders when he lifts the phone to answer the call even as her stomach knots, twisting violently with the thoughts she desperately wants to forget, needs to forget.

Castle excuses himself from the room, easing from her arms and softly closing his bedroom door behind him and as much as Kate wants to step up to the door and press her ear to the cool metal, she remains where she is.

He returns a few minutes later, dropping his phone back onto the desk.

"She's on her way to return my car and drop off the keys," he says, stepping past her to open his office door.

"Do you want me to leave?" she asks, turning to follow him out of the room, because the last thing she wants is another awkward encounter with Jacinda, and maybe not being there at all would be best for all of them. But leaving is the last thing she wants to do, not when they're so close to fixing things, so close to starting something that they both desperately want.

"Is that what you want?"

"No. What I want is…" she trails off, suddenly wanting to hold those words in until Jacinda is gone for good.

Castle whirls around, steps into her personal space in a move so fast that it startles her. His scent surrounds her, overwhelms her and she almost sobs as his breath sweeps across her cheek.

"What do you want, Kate?"

"You," she whimpers, because who cares if Jacinda is on her way there. It's just to drop off some keys and then she'll be gone for good. They're being honest now, no longer hiding their feelings behind unnecessary walls, and she wants him so bad she's practically shaking with need.

His lips ghost across her cheek, soft, fleeting touches that she loves and hates at the same time because she wants more, so much more of him.

But before he can claim her lips, before she can press every inch of her body against his in the way she's craving, his door buzzes and he steps away from her, his disappointed huff dancing across her flushed cheek.

* * *

Kate tries to excuse herself from the room, but before she can disappear, Castle opens the door and Jacinda's gaze falls directly on her.

The blonde doesn't make a scene in the way that Kate almost expects. Instead, she extends her hand, drops the keys into Castle's open palm and then leans up to press a kiss to his cheek.

Kate cringes, turning her head away because any more thoughts of Jacinda touching Castle will be more than she can handle.

"I hope you're making the right choice, Rick," Jacinda's words drift through the loft and Kate bites her tongue, fights the urge to both tell the woman off and leave the room.

"Truthfully, there was never any other choice, Jacinda. It's always been her," he confesses, offering a soft apology for blunt honesty of his words.

* * *

And then she hears the soft click of the door, has no time to react before she finds herself being pushed against the wall, cradled in the heat of Castle's arms just before his lips are against hers, hot and needy as they pry her own apart.

She whimpers into his mouth, arches her body into the heated press of his, but when his hands fall to her waist, slide lower to cup the soft curve of her backside, she tears her lips from his.

"Kate?" he questions, darkened irises roaming her face.

"Take me to bed?" she asks, a shy grin blooming across her face.

He lifts her into his arms, carried her into the bedroom and drops her lightly onto the bed, laughing when she immediately pulls him on top of her.

And the combination of heated kisses, flushed skin, talented fingers and the burning press of his body into hers erases all of the doubt, all of the pain and all of the mistakes, leaving nothing but love in its wake.

She never had to make him want her, she just needed to prove that she wanted him.

* * *

_Hugs to all of you!_

_Would love to hear your thoughts! xo_


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